


Mental Shields

by jedi_bria



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Growing Up, Jedi Code (Star Wars), Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Relationship Advice, The Talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:13:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24324097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jedi_bria/pseuds/jedi_bria
Summary: Kanan has a rude awakening one morning proving that he needs to have a Talk with his Padawan.  The most important thing being on how to make sure mental shields are in place no matter what.  The second is The Talk, which somehow also leads to a discussion on jedi philosophy and relationships.  And force, Kanan has NOT had enough Caf to deal with this.
Relationships: Ezra Bridger & Kanan Jarrus, Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla
Comments: 15
Kudos: 87





	Mental Shields

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoy this, it's been rattling around in my head for a while and it took some time to get it down the way I wanted.
> 
> Set in the first half of Season 2.

There were things Kanan just  _ didn’t _ need to know. What his fifteen year old Padawan did when he was alone was one of them. 

If he could, Kanan would stab himself in the brain with a rusty spoon. He had a lightsaber, but that would go too fast. 

With some grumbling, he willed the ancient caf maker to work faster, or at least produce something with a stronger content of caffeine. 

Hera had the nerve to walk in the galley looking quite awake, if in need of a morning cup of caf. On a normal day he’d be happy to hand her off a mug and then get another for himself. But this pot was his! She could pry it from his cold dead fingers. 

“Woah, you look rough.” 

Kanan settled on glaring at her. It was too early. Not enough sleep. He was going to drink this gallon of life giving drink, then kill his Padawan and go back to sleep. In that order. 

“Do I want to know?” She asked cautiously. 

Kanan briefly considered keeping the information to himself, but then decided someone needed to share in his misery, even if she didn’t have to experience it first hand. 

“You know how there’s a Master / Padawan bond?” His voice was thick with lack of sleep. When was this caf going to be done? 

“Yes….” 

“And how Ezra is good at connecting with beings?” 

Hera nodded. He was stating well known facts. Not exactly enlightening. 

“Well, his mental shields needs some work.” That was a cop out. He knew it. And as much as he wanted Hera to share in his torment, he just couldn’t bring himself to say the words. 

Now she just looked confused. “Was it a nightmare or….” 

“He’s fifteen and alone in his bunk because Zeb had the early morning shift!” Kanan blurted out. He  _ really _ wanted to get those images out of his head. 

“Oh… OH!” Now she looked amused. Pitying, but amused. Traitor. 

Kanan was saved by the caf maker beeping. He considered the pot and wondered if it would be too much just to drink it straight from the container. 

It was as if Hera could sense what he was thinking, “Oh no you don’t, I want some.” 

“This is mine! I was already tortured this morning!” He almost hugged the pot to himself before remembering it was hot. 

Hera only raised an eyebrow. 

Kanan got two mugs from the cabinet and filled both, making sure his got a little more. 

Once they were sitting at the table Hera asked, “So what are you going to do?” 

“I was thinking kill the kid and go back to sleep.” 

“Kanan,” Hera’s voice held a note of warning. 

He threw his hands up, “Okay, I’ll talk to him! You happy?” 

Hera took a sip of her caf. “It’s not going to go away if you don’t talk about it.” Kriff her for being so insightful. It was too early for this. 

The galley door opened a short time later and Ezra walked in. He took in Kanan's extremely haggard appearance, “Woah, what’s up with you?”

Kanan just glared at him and took a swig of his caf. “You and I are working on mental shields today.” 

“Okay….” Ezra turned to Hera for help. 

She gave him an encouraging smile. “I’ll take that as my cue to leave.” 

Kanan shot her a pleading look. 

Hera only responded with a meaningful one. Kanan hated that he knew Ryl at the moment and knew she silently added  _ ‘Talk to him.’ _

He narrowed his eyes at her in a look that he hoped said  _ ‘Let me finish my caf, sleep for a decade and then I will.’ _

Her lekku only told him to do it  _ now _ . And with that she left. 

“Uh… what was that about?” Ezra asked, taking Hera’s recently vacated seat. 

Kanan eyed the kid trying to figure out where to start. Part of his brain was telling him to move the conversation to his cabin for privacy, but the other part was content to stay here with the caf maker. “Nothing.” 

The cabin would probably be better. 

He filled his mug up with the remaining caf. “Come on, my room. I need you to focus and you won’t get it here.” 

With all the drama a only teenager could muster Ezra whined, “Now? Can’t I have breakfast first?” 

“Grab a breakfast bar, some water, and let’s go.” Kanan needed this conversation over before he lost his nerve. It would be worse if Hera had to do it and it wasn’t like he could leave it to Zeb. 

Ezra just grumbled at him and acted as if getting off the bench and finding something to eat was the hardest thing in the galaxy to do. Teenagers. Honestly. 

Once they made it to Kanan’s room, he wasn’t sure where to begin. It wasn’t like it was an easy topic to discuss. And the kid was fifteen, there was a good chance he didn’t need the entire Talk. But finding out what he did need to know was going to be unpleasant for both of them. 

Might as well start with the obvious and move on from there. When in doubt, fall back on training. Granted, nothing at the Temple had prepared him for this moment. Now he wondered how a conversation there might have gone. Kanan remembered getting generic biology and anatomy classes at the Temple, and there was probably some puberty classes. But he had a feeling that most of his practical knowledge had been learned as trial and error. But since he had been drunk for most of those, he had no specific memory of any of the lessons. These were just things he  _ knew _ . 

“Mental shields,” he began, “are used to not only keep your thoughts private but to also ward off and sort of mental attack. They can also be useful in helping to prevent mind control drugs.” 

“You mean like interrogator droids?” Ezra asked somberly. 

That was another memory Kanan wished he could forget. “Yes, those too.” 

“Okay, I get it, but I thought we went over shields before.” 

Kanan sighed. “We went over the basics. But we need to keep working on them to strengthen them in general and so that you’ll do them without thinking and they’ll stay up even when you’re sleeping or you’re… distracted,” he finished lamley. 

“Okay….” At least the kid caught on that he was going somewhere with this. Only, he wasn’t sure where yet. 

“A good mental shield stays in place at the level you want, no matter what you’re doing,” Kanan forged ahead. “We need to get you to the point where it’s second nature to you regardless of the situation.” 

Ezra just looked at him blankly. 

Kanan had the feeling he had been repeating himself. Ugh, this was  _ not _ what he signed up for when he took Ezra as a Padawan. A voice in the back of his head reminded him that it  _ was _ what he signed up for when he and Hera had all but officially adopted him and became his (un)official legal guardians. Kanan sighed and rubbed his palm across his face. Time to go for broke. 

“Our Master / Padawan bond is getting stronger, and it’s easier to connect now that it has been,” Kanan started. “So thoughts that we may have, if shields aren’t in place or concentration is elsewhere, might come across the bond, even when we don’t mean them to.” 

He had Ezra’s attention now but the poor kid still didn’t know where he was going with this. “Sort of like when you know I’m having a nightmare?” 

Kanan nodded. “That’s part of it, but there are… other thoughts that aren’t always controlled either.” 

Realization was dawning on Ezra and he started to look horrified. “You don’t mean…” 

“This morning?” Kanan finished for him. He took a sip of his caf while Ezra processed the information. 

“Oh god!” The teen buried his face in his hands. 

“You were projecting pretty strongly, kiddo.” 

“Oh no! Look Kanan I swear! I didn’t - Oh god!” 

Kanan held up a hand to ward off the rambling. “While it wasn’t exactly… fun,” that was an understatement, “If we work on your mental shields then it won’t happen again.” 

Words kept tumbling out of the kid’s mouth, “I swear I’m never going to do it again! Seriously! This won’t be a problem!” That was a lie. While he may be scared off for a while, it was only a matter of time. Kanan remembered being a teenager. 

“Calm down,” Kanan said, hoping his tone matched his words. He had to be the adult in this conversation, and he was barely holding it together at the moment. “We have something else to discuss first.” 

If it was possible, Ezra paled even further. “Like what?” His voice came out as a squeek. 

Kanan dug a finger into his collar, trying to pull it away from his neck. This was the part of the conversation he had been dreading. And he had no idea how to start. He took a deep breath, “I know you were alone since you were seven, but-”

“Nope, no buts, don’t need to tell me anything, I’m good,” Ezra interrupted. 

Kanan raised an eyebrow. 

“No really, I’m good in that area, we don’t need to talk about anything,” the teen continued. 

“Look kid, I’m not going to pry into your past, but for health and safety just tell me this; did you learn from personal experience?” Originally it wasn’t something Kanan had considered and now he was scared of the answer. 

Ezra actually blanched at the question, “No! Oh no! Not like that, I swear!” 

Kanan let out a breath he didn’t even realise he was holding. “Okay, then why don’t you tell me how you learned it.” 

Ezra picked at his shirt sleeve. “Uh… around?” 

“If you don’t do better than that, you’re going to force both of us to go through the entire thing,” he warned. 

Ezra seemed considered this as he leaned back against the wall and crossed his arms. He was very interested in a corner of the floor. 

“Ezra….” 

“Okay, okay,” he gave in, “I got uh… the biology stuff. Good there. Figured the puberty thing out on my own, and uh… other details from somewhere else.” 

“Where?” Kanan pressed. 

The kid fidgeted. Kanan wasn’t sure if it was from the topic or not wanting to discuss his past. “There were these women… prostitutes. They had kids about our age. So the agreement was if we let their kids run with us and we kept an eye out for them, the prostitutes would help us out. Like if we got sick or really hurt, or couldn’t get enough food, that sort of thing.” Ezra paused, as if he was gathering the right words. “Sometimes we’d hang out in the alley behind their building and on slow nights they’d come out with food, or just to check up on us. Sometimes they were drunk and would sort of… talk… a lot.” 

Kanan nodded. While he hated what Ezra had gone through, he was glad the kid had someone looking out for him. Kanan only had Kasmir and that had been a tenuous relationship at best. He also hadn’t been on the streets nearly as long as his Padawan. It also sounded as if he had received a decent enough education in that department that Kanan wasn’t going to have to keep delving into uncomfortable territory. “So I guess they covered all the physical areas of things.” 

Ezra nodded. 

“Any questions?” 

The teen seemed to seriously think about it and for the first time, really consider what this talk was about. After a long while he asked, “How do you know limits of near human species? Like humans like some things that other beings don’t.” 

Kanan raised an eyebrow. This better not be going where he thought this was going. 

Clearly, Ezra picked up on his thought and rushed to explain, “No! I don’t want to know- EWWWW, no!” After taking a moment to compose himself, he said, “This has nothing to do about Hera or twi’leks, more that some of the alien women would complain about human men hurting them… and I don’t want to do that… if you know, I ever end up with anybody.” 

Kanan realized  _ that _ was something he could answer, and one of the easier ways this discussion could have gone. “You need to read your partner. See what they like and what they don’t. When in doubt, you can ask if it’s okay.” 

“You can just  _ ask _ ? Really?” 

“Kid, if she gets mad you’re asking, you probably don’t want to get involved with that.” 

Ezra seemed to consider this and nodded. 

“You have another question,” Kanan stated. 

“Yeah, but it’s not about… you know.” He waved his hand around. 

“Sex?” Kanan said it just to watch his Padawan get flustered. It worked. So far this was going  _ much _ better than he expected it would. They were now in territory he was comfortable with. “What is it?” 

“Uh… How do you talk to a girl?” The corner must be looking interesting again. 

Kanan just stared at him. “How to… really?” 

“No I mean,” Ezra ran a hand through his hair. “Like I know how to talk to them about normal things, but how do you talk to them if you like them?” 

“Is there someone you like?” This would be easier to talk about someone specific rather than the entire female species. Because as far as Kanan was concerned, he had no idea what worked and what didn’t. Cheesy pickup lines with a dash of charming worked well for him for years, but he hadn’t cared about those girls… not really. And none of that had worked on Hera. Honestly, the only thing that  _ had _ worked on Hera was to do nothing at all. So really, Kanan had nothing. 

“Well no, I mean hypothetically, in the future, in case someone actually might like me or I have time for a date.” 

Kanan sighed. Their lives were so transient and while working for the rebellion and pulling odd jobs here and there was their normal, he forgot what sort of toll that would take on being a normal teenager. Then again, it’s not like his teenage years had been particularly normal either. But he wanted better for Ezra. Wasn’t that what Hera’s fight was all about, making the galaxy better for younger generations? No time to start like the present. 

“I’m going to give you the Jedi answer first, then the practical answer,” Kanan started, “First off the Jedi code forbid any sort of attachment. The idea was that if you cared too much for one person then either you would do anything to protect them, and that could lead to the Dark Side, or you would focus on that single person and neglect others that were in danger and needed you more.” 

“So, don’t be ruled by your emotions?” 

“Exactly.” 

“You don’t follow that,” Ezra observed. 

Kanan was quiet for a long time. “No, I don’t.” He took a deep breath, trying to decide how much to tell the kid. “First of all, the Jedi Order is no more, there’s a reason they fell. Part of it was they kept themselves too detached from everyone as well as the galaxy as a whole. Since they were so far removed, they didn’t notice the galaxy shifting… or rather Palpatine moving in. 

“I tried the no attachment thing. Did it for a long time. It didn’t work for me. Without having anyone to care about, I ended up becoming something I didn’t like.” It was a gross understatement of his years before Hera, but it’s all the kid needed to know. But he added, “I was sort of like you when we first met… only worse.” 

Ezra nodded at that, as if he knew exactly what his Master was talking about. Kanan didn’t discuss his past much, but he began wondering how many pieces the kid had started putting together. 

“So while the ideals of ‘There is no emotion, only peace,’ are a nice idea, it is impossible to live up to. My master had a different interpretation, an older one, ‘Emotion, yet peace.’” 

Ezra seemed to chew over those words. “So you’re saying that it’s okay to have emotion, but within it you need to find peace?” Kanan could tell the idea was surface level but he hadn’t grasped the deeper meaning to it. Kark, Kanan wasn’t sure  _ he _ fully understood the deeper meaning to it. 

He tried to explain it anyway, “Let yourself experience the emotion, but don’t let it control you. Feel it, and let it pass through you. If you’re angry about a situation, feel the anger of it, acknowledge what it is, but don’t let it rule your actions.” 

“Because that leads to the Dark Side,” Ezra finished for him. 

“Exactly.” 

There was a long moment where Ezra processed what this meant. Eventually he asked, “While this is interesting, what does this have to do with talking to girls?” 

Kanan had to fight not to bark out a laugh. “To start with, the relationship you have with them. You can’t let the relationship control you. If you want to keep training to be a Jedi, you will need to learn the balance of how much you care for her, and what’s best for the galaxy as a whole. You may love her from one side of the galaxy to the other, but you can’t become so blinded by that love that you forget what mission you’re on.” 

“That makes sense,” Ezra accepted. Then he asked, “Is that why you and Hera aren’t married?” 

Woah! That was just - did he just- Kanan couldn’t even form words to that. “ _ Excuse me _ ?”

The kid at least had the good grace to look abashed. And he winced before speaking, “Um… I mean…” 

Kanan leaned on his elbows and stared hard at the kid. 

“It’s just that…” He was still floundering, but as Kanan had nothing to add to this, he let his Padawan suffer. “I mean… you two act married, and you obviously love each other. And we’re always going on missions, like all the time. So if your reasoning was the mission had to come first and the relationship second, it makes sense!” His words came out in a rush and he looked at Kanan nervously. 

The older man considered what Ezra said. He wasn’t wrong. There were a whole host of reasons his relationship with Hera hadn’t progressed any further. Most of those were on her end though. She needed to save the galaxy first, and then she would concentrate on her own happiness later. And while Kanan couldn’t say he was happy to wait, he would do anything to stay with her, and if he had to wait, then so be it. She knew how he felt. She has always known. 

“That’s part of it,” Kanan spoke carefully, “But I’d advise you not to bring it up again.” There was a dangerous tone in his voice. 

“Got it! No problem! Not another word!” Ezra mimed zipping his lips shut. If only. 

After a long heavy stare to make sure the kid got the point, Kanan relented a bit. “What’s that term you and Sabine use? Space Family?” 

Ezra nodded, for the moment, keeping up his promise not to talk. Sadly, Kanan knew that wouldn’t last. 

“For now you can call us Space Married, that’s what you two call it right?” 

More nodding. 

Kanan huffed, that worked well enough, but he added, “Just don’t mention it to Hera.” 

Briefly he wondered how they had gone from mental shields, to The Talk, to discussing Jedi theory and his relationship, but here he was. Granted, he wasn’t sure if this topic was better or worse than the initial one. 

“All this is good if I get in a relationship, but how do I manage that if I have no idea how to talk to them in the first place?” Apparently the ability to stay silent had become too much to endure. Kanan had the feeling his Master was watching over him right now and laughing, clearly thinking that he was getting what he deserved. 

Kanan could only pinch the bridge of his nose. At least it wasn’t about sex or his relationship. 

“Just be yourself.” 

“That’s no help! Sabine says no one likes that!” 

For the millionth time Kanan wondered why he and Hera had brought teenagers onto this ship. Out loud he said, “She just said that because she was annoyed at you, and your first few weeks you followed her around like a pathetic lothkit.” 

Now his Padawan pouted. He really looked like a pathetic lothkit right now. 

“Okay fine,” Kanan gave in. As much as the kid annoyed him, he really couldn’t deny Ezra anything. Force help him if the kid ever found out. “Give a complement.” 

“A complement?” 

Kanan nodded sagely, “Compliments go a long way, kid.” Then he added, “If it’s someone you know, maybe someone around the rebellion that you’ve seen or talked to so you know something about her, compliment her on something you know she’s interested in. For example, for Sabine, you don’t need to know much about her to know she likes weapons, blowing things up, and art. Whatever is most relevant or recent to that moment, say something about one of those. If it’s someone like Hera….” Kanan’s mind trailed off. Hera was a category all her own. He had fallen for her voice before he ever saw her. If the kid found someone like that, he was going to be screwed. “... for someone like Hera, almost everyone knows she’s a pilot. So pay attention to one of her flights and mention something about that.” 

Ezra slumped back with a dramatic flop. “I already  _ know _ Sabine and Hera! How do I talk to girls I don’t know?” 

Kanan kicked his melodramatic foot. “Talk to girls you don’t know like you talk to Sabine and Hera. They’ll have different interests, maybe aren’t as destructive or as good pilots, but while the details change, there’s really no difference. 

“Say it’s a girl in the marketplace. Say something about what she’s wearing, something she bought, something she’s selling at a stall, pick something she’s doing or wearing and run with it.” 

Ezra looked at him dubiously. 

Kanan decided something right there. “You know what, we’re going to practice that. You need to work on your flirting technique.” 

His Padawan shot up at that. “Wait what?” 

“Flirting is a good undercover tactic, makes it easy to get in and out of situations when you’re trying to blend.” Kanan acted as if he hadn’t heard the kid. “Next supply mission we’ll work on that.” 

“What? No way, I don’t need you  _ hovering _ while I- No!” 

“Don’t worry, it’ll be easy.” Kanan smiled at him. 

He got a scowl in return. “Says you.” 

Something occurred to Kanan that he had almost forgotten. “One more thing.”

“What, you want to record it for Chopper to show everyone to make fun of me later?” Ezra crossed his arms again. 

That was an idea. Instead, he said, “No, this goes back to our earlier discussion.” 

Ezra gave him a side eye. 

Kanan ignored it and forged on, “Say the flirting works, and you find someone… anyone. Doesn’t matter the species or gender, there’s one rule you must always follow.  _ Always _ wear protection. I don’t care who’s involved, you wrap it up. If something happens and you didn’t use it, tell me the next morning and I’ll take you and whoever to the nearest medbay, no questions asked. There will be a lecture about safety, so you won’t be scott free, but I’ll take you.” 

Ezra went back to looking mortified. 

“I’m serious! I’m placing that under the injury or illness rule, it’s  _ that _ serious.” Kanan impressed. The hardest thing to get Ezra to do when he first came on board was to tell people when he was sick or injured. After a spectacular escape from a Star Destroyer with the kid projectile vomiting everywhere because he hadn’t told anyone he was sick, the rule was put in place. Kenan had considered it the number one rule on the ship. “Sabine follows that rule too.” Kanan added. “And if it happens more than once, then you won’t have the parts to worry about it again, do you understand?” 

Ezra gulped and nodded. 

“Ezra,” Kanan put a hard edge to his voice, trying to get his point across. 

“I got it. Always wear something, got it.” 

“Good.” Kanan sat back and took a sip of his rapidly cooling caf. “Now, about those shields….” 


End file.
